How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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