Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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