I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
foreskin is a definite game changer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
