I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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