So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is her dick bigger than yours?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
