May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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