...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
