I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
