absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
