having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
