Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
