the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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