I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
