He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm getting married
To pizza
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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