Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
