it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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