I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
