I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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