you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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