You smell like stripper and shame
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
