Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
