so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
