I'm lost and stupid without you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
