The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
