I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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