I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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