I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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