I CAN MOONWALK!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
