I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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