Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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