you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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