cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
