a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I will pee on everything he values.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
