the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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