I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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