I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
