I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he thought i was a dude.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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