omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My dick has a subreddit
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
