Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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