I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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