remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Semen is not good for contacts.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
