His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
