Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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