she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
