jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
