bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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