apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
