She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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