You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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