Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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