The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
